Hello

Hello, my name is Serena Joy. Well my real name is Pam, but I like to go by Serena. Im a women in her late fifties, but I dont look it. I'm blonde, about medium height, and medium weight. I love to just be in my graden and relax; it is relaxing to graden and just sit in my garden. I also knit, i do it for most of my day. I can knit anything, but mostly scarfs for the Angels.
I've been having this recurring dream for the past couple of nights. My dream is of me running through the garden with a child, who im guessing is mine because she has beautiful golden blonde hair, as mine was when i was a child. I started having this dream when a new handmaid arrived, so I hope this means good things to come!

Handmaids...

Today I had to go through another horrifying cerimony. I cant stand them! I try to put off being there until I absolutely have to. When I walk into the room, she's the first person i see. I know shes there just to give me and my husband a baby. I want a baby so badly. I feel so usless sometimes. But i have to suffer through it and hopefully this girl is helpful with something.
The ceremony went as usual. Fred read from the Bible about Rachel and the hadnmaid kneeled infront of me. As I watched her kneel and him read, I couldn't help but cry, knowing what was to happen next, atfer he finished read. When he finally did finish reading from the Bible, the ceremony went on as I always know it will. We went to the bedroom and i lay on my bed, my husbands bed. The handmaid laid on my hip and the sex proceeded bewteen her and my husband. The whole time I wanted to cry, but i held the urdge back, I needed to look strong. Convince myself to be strong, be strong. Not just for me, but for my husband. I do not look forward to the next ceremony. I never do. Until then, I have to not think about it. Just live my life as I always do.